Overwhelmed

The last few months have been so stressful and overwhelming. I lost Josh. I got him back (kinda). We fell apart again. We picked the pieces back up. As it stands now we aren't together because he needs time and space. That's fine, but it's hard to rewind to the point in the relationship where you weren't serious, when somewhere in my head I've already decided that I've met the man I want to marry. Every time I look into his eyes I know that he is the man that I want to wake up with every morning and the one that I want to go to sleep with every night. I know that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and build my family with.

The problem is that Josh apparently doesn't know anything anymore. He went from being as sure as I was (or so I thought) to being about as wishy-washy as a person can get. He knows a few things for sure. He knows he loves me and is in love with me and he knows that at this present moment he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, eventually. (EVENTUALLY!!! REALLY?!?!) Word of advice to any guy that might read this, eventually is not the best thing to say to a girl when it comes to something like that.

I'm getting tired of flip-flopping from one extreme to the other. One week we're together all the time, the next we don't see each other at all because, according to him, we spend too much time together. One day everything is fine and dandy, the next he's ignoring me and doing a very convincing impression of a douchebag. It's getting to the point that I don't know how to react to anything he does or says anymore. I can feel myself acting crazier and crazier when it comes to him and I can't help it. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle. (I refuse to say a losing battle, because I know that if we can make it through this we'll be fine.) I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else and I know that he's THE ONE, it's just reminding him that he believes the same thing about me, too.

If anyone wants to volunteer to knock some sense into him, I'm taking applications. :) I do love him, it's just that sometimes he infuriates me beyond all belief. But I DO LOVE HIM!